Monday, August 3, 2009

Forgiving Myself

Recent health challenges, hip joint arthritis, forced me to some deep soul searching. As the x-rays and MRI show I have a degenerated hip and my right leg grew about an inch longer, which made me limp. I am determined to correct this misshape naturally.
I first got acupuncture for the pain, then massage to loosen the muscles around the bones, and then chiropractic adjustments. All the while the pain didn’t stop. My leg was somewhat adjusted to the point where with a lift in my left shoe, the difference was only about ½ inch.
Now I am faced with a tough decision which brings me to my soul searching. Do I want to get a hip replacement (or if my bones are strong enough) a resurfacing of the femoral bone stock, Resurfacing Hip Arthroplasty; get my life back and become active again? Or do I want to do it “my way,” which means toughing it out, continue vitamin therapy and diet adjustments? The latter, I am forced to do anyway to protect the rest of my body parts.
That brings me to self-forgiveness. I have known for a long time what is good for the body, how to do exercise and healthy living. But this problem challenges me to the core of my belief system, mainly do I feel guilty of not being more perfect to do the right things all the time? Or can I accept being human with all of our shortcomings and wrong habits, even addictions?

"Life is largely a process of adaptation to the circumstances in which we exist. The secret of health and happiness lies in the successful adjustment to the ever-changing conditions on this globe; the penalties for failure in this great process are disease and unhappiness."
Hans Selye

Also, not thinking of what I did in my own life but remember that I am the product of a long ancestral lineage. It is not just what I did but what I inherited not just through my DNA but through thought patterns, emotional behavior, and my spiritual merits. In The Divine Principle (SIN) 4.5, we are talking about the four inherited sins:

· Original sin (coming from Adam and Eve)
· Inherited sin (coming from our immediate ancestors)
· Collective sin (coming from our social, ethical or country connections)
· Personal sin (coming from what I did in my own life)

This is the time we have to clean up our lives substantially.

Some years ago I participated in a Radical Forgiveness seminar. We would sit around the room and share our feelings and answer specific questions related to forgiveness and letting go of negative emotions.
The core of Radical Forgiveness is:
“Without exception, everything that happens to us is divinely guided, purposeful and for our greater good.”
Colin Tipping

So, my guilt is out of place, accepting what is and asking: "How to make the right decision,” is a better choice.
I also did Emotional Release Therapy on the guilt part and feel very peaceful this morning.
If I have any excuse for all this mess, it is that I was born with left-brain thinking. My personality is analytical, detail oriented and always critical. Over the past few years I tried very hard to be more artistic and whole brain oriented. I learned to cake-decorate, making swirls and curls, which I enjoyed tremendously. I also paid more attention to intuitive impulses, listening to the small voice inside and follow its direction. This is very satisfying because following our conscience keeps us in contact with our God, the universal energy, the standard of truth and love which has always our best interest in mind.
On a last note, I was reading this morning that the trend for the New Millennium is, that we are transitioning from the Information Age into the Inspiration Age. It is my personal desire to create more balance in my life and allow my right brain to assert itself the same as the left side. Certainly, if computers and robots do all of our work, we can focus on what is truly important in life, how to be true human beings, live according to the will of God and make this world a better place for all of us.

Above letters are the Chinese Meaning of Forgiveness.

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